No one likes to think about their parents getting older. For many adult children, it's a gradual realization that arrives through small moments: a missed appointment, a growing list of medications, concerns about driving, or simply recognizing that the people who once cared for everyone else may someday need help themselves. While aging is inevitable, crisis planning doesn't have to be. Families who begin discussing future care, finances, and responsibilities before a problem arises are often better equipped to navigate difficult transitions, preserve family harmony, and help parents maintain control over the decisions that matter most.
Before discussing strategies, resources, or family conversations, it's worth taking a step back and understanding the realities families face as their loved one's age. The numbers can be sobering, but they help highlight why proactive planning matters. Whether it's the rising need for long-term care, the growing prevalence of cognitive decline, or the financial and emotional burdens that often accompany aging, the statistics tell a clear story: preparing early can make a meaningful difference for both parents and their families.
While every family's situation is unique, the goal is often the same: help parents maintain their independence, preserve their dignity, and continue making their own decisions for as long as possible. Achieving this goal typically requires thoughtful planning, open communication, and a willingness to address difficult topics before a crisis occurs. By starting the conversation early, families can reduce uncertainty, avoid unnecessary stress and cost while delivering a plan that reflects their parents' wishes and values
Let's begin by exploring a few key questions:
When should we discuss an aging plan with our parents?
How should we prepare for the conversation?
What topics should be covered?
What resources are available, and how can adult children best prepare?
In the perfect world, parents will initiate discussions with their children. If helpful, one of the family’s professional advisors, like the Financial Advisor, can facilitate the discussion, especially when emotions run high or parents are uncomfortable leading.
There is a practical reason for this; crisis planning is expensive, and decisions tend to be suboptimal care as a result. Examples:
Premium charges for expedited legal work and rushed placement coordination
Misunderstanding what Medicare covers. Medicare does not cover long-term care
Lack of available care options when needed due to limitations on facility space and care providers
Disorganized or inaccessible documents
Advanced cognitive decline before planning occurs
Burnout or sickness in the caregiving spouse
Family conflict (especially in blended families)
Increased losses to financial scams - growing 59% from 2024 to 2025 for adults 60 and over6;
How to prepare and what topics to discuss go hand in hand. The discussion can be informal or via a more formalized Family Meeting structure.
A structured family conversation can transform uncertainty into clarity. Sharing data is an important part of the meeting and we will address further down. But rather than focusing solely on legal documents, the goal is to center the conversation around values, preferences, and dignity. Key Questions to Explore:
Jim Towey, the founder of Aging with Dignity, created The Five Wishes framework to help structure and guide family conversations. The five topics are: Medical decision making, personal care preferences, comfort choices, dignity wishes and legacy - what loved ones should know. 7
Another option is an ethical will — a non-legal document capturing values, beliefs, and legacy. While traditional estate planning focuses on what we leave behind, an ethical will focuses on who we are and what we've learned. It is a personal document, letter, video, or recording that shares an individual's values, beliefs, life lessons, family stories, hopes, and guidance for future generations. Its roots go back to the biblical times of the Book of Genesis, when the patriarch Jacob, nearing the end of his life, gathered his children to offer blessings, guidance, and final wishes. Another commonly cited example is Moses' farewell address in the Book of Deuteronomy, where he reflects on the past, shares lessons, and prepares future generations for life without him.
This type of discussion can help get every family member on the same page but ultimately execution requires documentation – knowing who the parent’s professional team is, knowing where legal documents are and what is stated in those documents, etc. We refer to this as the “Grab & Go Binder” – it can be hardcopy, digitized or a combination: This is a living document. It should be kept current and not looked at as a onetime exercise.
In a crisis, access to information is everything. A thoughtfully organized "Grab & Go" Binder can provide clarity and confidence during stressful situations by keeping essential information in one place. Consider including emergency contacts, medical history and medications, insurance details, legal documents or their storage location (such as powers of attorney, wills, trusts, and deeds), financial account summaries, and contact information for important advisors and professionals, including your wealth manager, attorney, accountant, insurance specialist, physicians, and elder care providers.
Agreeing to clear lines of responsibility is what makes it all work. When roles are defined, sibling relationships improve, parent child dynamics improve, and importantly, parents retain dignity while reducing stress on the entire family. This is not about one person doing everything; it’s about dividing roles based on strengths, while minimizing stress and conflict. Key Roles to Consider:
1. Financial Oversight (Trustee / Advisor Liaison)
Oversees long-term financial decisions
Coordinates with professional advisors (investment, tax, estate)
2. Patient Advocate
Attends medical appointments
Tracks medications and care plans
Ensures wishes are respected
3. Technologist
Identifies technologies that can aid independence: voice assistants for reminders and communication, health monitoring systems, AI-based fraud detection, smart home safety solutions, mobility-support devices, captioning for hearing loss, etc.
4. Daily Money Manager
Handles bill pay, budgeting, insurance coordination
Monitors for errors or fraud
5. Socialization Advocate
Encourages engagement and activity
Helps prevent isolation—a key risk factor for decline
When there are one or no children, bringing in professionals who can handle some of the roles may be appropriate. Be it a lawyer, institutional trustee, elder care specialist or advocate, etc.
A critical point and one of the key values to these different roles is to avoid overburdening any single individual—financially, emotionally, or physically; especially one of the spouses. Although an older statistic, but often sited, there is a 63% higher mortality rate risk for elderly spousal caregivers.8 This is when the healthier parent dies before the parent who is getting care.
The takeaway is simple: supporting aging parents should be a shared responsibility, not a silent sacrifice.
There are three types of life care professionals that I was not aware of before engaging with my own family on life planning that can be very helpful in addition to geriatricians/geriatric pharmacists, lawyers, financial, insurance and real estate advisors:
Life Care Professional (ALCP): sometimes called Aging or Geriatric Care Managers. They don’t replace service professionals (i.e. doctors/nurses, care giver/aides, therapists, social workers), they orchestrate the system and ensure the right care is in place at the right time and that the family is not left trying to manage things alone. They will do a comprehensive assessment of the situation, design a coordinated care plan, and implement the care plan as well as be available as a neutral expert for the family. And of course, they will be called upon in times of crisis. They work with the patients, spouses and family to understand when additional care may be needed; if it’s the inability of a loved to execute the 2 of the 6 activities of daily living (ADLs) which are the standard set of basic self-care-tasks used in healthcare and long term care to assess a person’s ability to live independently: bathing, dressing toileting, transferring, continence or feeding or if there is a level of cognitive decline that is of concern. Typical backgrounds are nursing, social work, gerontology, and case management.
This role can be most helpful to children who have parents living alone or far away, parents with increased medical complexity, parents during a transition, and/or there is a need for an unbiased third party.
Then there is the role of the Financial Advisor. As a Certified Financial Planner® professional, we are fiduciaries and work with our clients and their family on lifelong financial planning – longevity planning. We incorporate ‘care’ goals and plans. We work with the client’s professional team – lawyers, insurance professionals, life care professionals, etc. to project out costs for care be it through long term care insurance or self-insure methods, or a combination while also considering all other family goals and needs.
Helping our parents age well is not about stepping in when something goes wrong. It is about walking alongside early, intentionally, and respectfully. The most valuable thing a child can offer is partnership, not control.
When families prepare together, parents feel heard and respected, children feel confident and aligned, and decisions become clearer, before they become urgent.
If you would like help starting the conversation or creating a plan for your family, use this blog to introduce the topic of Care Planning and how children can and should participate in the planning process with parents. A Wealthspire advisor can help you evaluate planning considerations, discuss available resources, and develop a financial strategy tailored to your family's circumstances and objectives. Contact us here.
Sources:
1 - Source: US Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) / Administration for Community Living
3 - Source: 2025 Annual Report from the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3)
4 - Source: CDC: Changes in Health Indicators Among Caregivers — United States, 2015–2016 to 2021–2022
7 - Source: FIVE WISHES | The Living Will with Heart & Soul Guide